Sometimes I Just Need a Little List Therapy

So, Ryan laughs at me because I am a self-proclaimed queen of list-making. Somewhere close by me you will usually find a pad of lined paper that I use until there are no more clean sheets, at which time I will replace it with a new notebook (that feels a little like Christmas every time!). In this notebook I make lists of things I need to do, and, in between those, grocery lists. I've pondered my list-making tendencies (maybe it's something many people do, and not out of the ordinary?), and I have come to the conclusion that I use this technique for 3 major reasons:

1) So I have previous menus and grocery lists to recall things I need, don't need or have put off for too many weeks in a row

2) So I can get things out of my mind, down on paper, and don't forget. This helps me to feel calmer, too, I think because it lightens my overloaded brain a bit (I think/process way too much)
This is particularly helpful at bedtime so that I go to sleep easier

3) This is therapy for me. I think I use it to show myself that I did accomplish something that day. Sometimes, when I've done something that wasn't on my list I'll add it, just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing something off the list. Then, other times, like tonight, I'll make a separate list and in minute detail I'll write down everything I did during the day just to show myself that I am taking care of things, and am being productive.

I know it's probably silly to need a list to build my self-esteem....I think one of the hardest things about becoming a mom (particularly a stay-at-home one) for me has been, and still is, that I panic at the lack of structure. I had no idea that would be an issue. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EACH MINUTE OF THE DAY? HOW DO I KNOW HOW MUCH TIME WITH THE KIDS IS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH HOUSEWORK IS ENOUGH, AND IF I'M DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE? I get freaked out!

This probably isn't an issue for everyone out there. I think it's compouded with a nasty little tendency to think I'm supposed to do things perfectly, a lack of self-discipline, the tendency to withdraw when I'm overwhelmed, a propensity to want time to myself and difficulty following through with doing things that feed my creative desires/nurturing needs. Man, I'm a mess!!!

Anyway, I cope by making lists. In fact, I think I'll go make one now! And if we have an emergency, and need to make a fire to cook with, or provide warmth, my lists will help keep it burning for a loooong time! (Maybe I should plant a tree to compensate for all the paper I've used)!!

Lesson to be Learned from Kids

The other day I took Bug and her friend to McDonald's for lunch. The girls entered the play area, and I heard a little boy who was already in there yell at them, "Get out of our house"! Remaining calm, (which I'm not always), I waited to see how it would play out. Bug and her friend came out and said, "They won't let us play in there"! (In the meantime, I'm wondering who the child's parent/guardian is, and why they don't tell the boy that is rude). I respond, "Go tell him it's for everyone, and that he needs to share". The boy exits the slide then and the girls go up to him and say, "It's for everyone"! The boy says, "OK"! Then one of the girls says, "Wanna play with us"? And they all run off to play, best friends for the duration of the visit!
No harm, no foul. If only as adults we could work out problems, accept others' opinions and join together so easily/freely. Ya gotta love kids! Sometimes they have it right!