Sometimes I Just Need a Little List Therapy

So, Ryan laughs at me because I am a self-proclaimed queen of list-making. Somewhere close by me you will usually find a pad of lined paper that I use until there are no more clean sheets, at which time I will replace it with a new notebook (that feels a little like Christmas every time!). In this notebook I make lists of things I need to do, and, in between those, grocery lists. I've pondered my list-making tendencies (maybe it's something many people do, and not out of the ordinary?), and I have come to the conclusion that I use this technique for 3 major reasons:

1) So I have previous menus and grocery lists to recall things I need, don't need or have put off for too many weeks in a row

2) So I can get things out of my mind, down on paper, and don't forget. This helps me to feel calmer, too, I think because it lightens my overloaded brain a bit (I think/process way too much)
This is particularly helpful at bedtime so that I go to sleep easier

3) This is therapy for me. I think I use it to show myself that I did accomplish something that day. Sometimes, when I've done something that wasn't on my list I'll add it, just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing something off the list. Then, other times, like tonight, I'll make a separate list and in minute detail I'll write down everything I did during the day just to show myself that I am taking care of things, and am being productive.

I know it's probably silly to need a list to build my self-esteem....I think one of the hardest things about becoming a mom (particularly a stay-at-home one) for me has been, and still is, that I panic at the lack of structure. I had no idea that would be an issue. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EACH MINUTE OF THE DAY? HOW DO I KNOW HOW MUCH TIME WITH THE KIDS IS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH HOUSEWORK IS ENOUGH, AND IF I'M DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE? I get freaked out!

This probably isn't an issue for everyone out there. I think it's compouded with a nasty little tendency to think I'm supposed to do things perfectly, a lack of self-discipline, the tendency to withdraw when I'm overwhelmed, a propensity to want time to myself and difficulty following through with doing things that feed my creative desires/nurturing needs. Man, I'm a mess!!!

Anyway, I cope by making lists. In fact, I think I'll go make one now! And if we have an emergency, and need to make a fire to cook with, or provide warmth, my lists will help keep it burning for a loooong time! (Maybe I should plant a tree to compensate for all the paper I've used)!!